his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
