Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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