So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
