I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Randomize
