He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
