The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
