Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Life is so much better after having sex.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
