And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
