So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
There r osticjed everywhere
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
