Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize