There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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