Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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