I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
