Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
