dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
