come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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