i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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