She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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