We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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