Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my shit smells like andre
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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