I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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