I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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