This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
