Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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