Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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