i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
