Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You can't just leave with hair like that
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
