ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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