so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
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I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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