I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
