sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
