Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I touched a dick in church today
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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