i permit you to call me
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
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I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
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For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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