Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
