clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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