It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
now i know why i became what i already was.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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