I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
