I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
