the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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