im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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