from now on my penis is your penis
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She bit a glass in half.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
