how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Randomize
