Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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