I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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