We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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