Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
