Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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