Screwed.edu
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
