chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Is her dick bigger than yours?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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