He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i already hear my dad disowning me
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
