So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
