Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
