good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
