Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
love makes seman taste better
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
