And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize