Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
