Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I need moral support for this bender
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
