I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
