well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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