Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
