It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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