Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
