Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
